Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
