I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
