But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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