Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
