If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
