So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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