You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
