At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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