Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
