I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
