we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
