i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
