i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
