Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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