can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
