i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
