I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
