is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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