bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
