Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
