the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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