is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
