At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
