Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
