I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.