I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Help. Why am I so naked?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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