Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?