so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.