How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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