Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
