If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?