found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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