please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.