maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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