yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
