I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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