It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
