Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
