Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
