Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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