I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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