the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
