wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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