so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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