Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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