we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
