you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
