Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
