My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
