dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
