remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
