There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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