Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
should my penis look like a turkey
We are two peas in an std pod
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
