What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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