its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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