I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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