Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This baby is an asshole
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
