We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
