Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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