U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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