I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
