We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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