I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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