I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
