did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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