I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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