piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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