i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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