theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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