i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
