Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
