I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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