Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
