I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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