Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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