Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
