It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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