they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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