her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
