i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
