six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
