he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
