At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
