So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
