wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
