Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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