You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
how drunk are you?
Several
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
