come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
