My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
